One breath, One smile and One step at a time

The last year left me pretty lost on almost every aspect of life I went through. Career? I don’t know anymore. Love? Not sure. Hobbies? It’s been too long to even be a little bit good at it. Family? Friends? I have them but... I don’t know. I felt stranded even when all of it was my choice. One moment it felt like it was everything I wanted, and in a second, everything faded away like I had none of it, to begin with. 


Getting through it was one hell of a ride, and I can’t say I’m all the way through it yet. But, I think, now, I do see a gleaming light at the end of the tunnel. With an aching chest,  trembling knees, and labored breaths, I’m dragging my feet forward. None of this sounds like victory. Maybe that’s exactly what defeat would sound like. But, I can’t choose either because it’s me I’ve been battling with.


All I know is that I can’t stop, except to catch my breath. 

However grueling it is, now that I look back, I realize it was all necessary. I needed to come to terms with parts of myself I never knew existed. I needed to take a deep breath and let go of the need to be in control all the time. I needed to unwind and unlearn everything I thought defined me - my hobbies, my work, my career, my grades. I needed to gulp in the fact that it was time to embrace myself and let the child in me heal at its own pace. I needed to tell myself, the pace of my life doesn’t need to be like someone else's. It’s unique like the rhythm of my heartbeat. I needed to gather the courage to look at my soul, naked, and love it for all of its flaws. 


None of this is easy, and I am beginning to accept that healing never will be. What I know is that, despite what it looks like, I can make it through. How many ever times I fall, I will still make it through. However far it might look, I will still make it through. 


One breath, one smile, and one step at a time. 

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